Sunday, March 16, 2008

Because I’ve been watching a lot of Six Feet Under of late (my recent pick as Most Unbelievable Work of Art) I’ve been thinking about death a lot. I have to confess to being a bit of an unnecessary worrier - worrying about fires and earthquakes and other natural disasters, thoughts about my kids and whether or not I will be strong enough to save them in the event of said disaster, how it would even be like betraying my kids if I were to die. But lately what I’ve been thinking about is how it seems crazy that of all times in history I should be here now, and how music and art and technology and literature and the great human drama will continue on after me, and I won’t get to find out one single thing that happens. Its not feeling surprised that the world could continue on without me, its just like reading the most amazing book in the world but having to take it back to the library before you get to the end.

And it IS weird that I’m here now, and so are these people who have become my friends, and this band whose music I love - there are no sensations of ever having been alive or of having had a consciousness at any other point in history. What made me conscious here and now? Its really rather bizarre when you think about it, and probably kind of weighty for a weekend morning when all your kids want to do is be taken out for breakfast.